Wife Guilt (noun): a feeling of remorse for failing to do things you feel you are responsible for doing as a wife.
Before we even say “I Do,” we already have preconceived notions of what it means to be a wife. As little girls, we see things that our mother’s do (or don’t do) and things that the women on television do, and, as a result, our individual outlooks on the roles and responsibilities of wives are born. Our ideas about our “wifely duties” are very personal – they differ from one wife to another and one woman’s ideas about what her wifely duties are may be very different from another’s. Although the content may differ, I’ve never met a wife who doesn’t feel that she has some responsibilities to her husband and household.
We as wives are only human, so naturally, there are going to be times when we can’t fulfill our wifely duties, no matter what they may be. When we fail to take care of the things we feel we’re responsible for, the result is often what I like to call wife guilt.
Lately, wife guilt is something that I’ve been personally struggling with. Life has gone from 0 to 100 and, ever since I got back to the United States from my “extended vacation” in Japan, my plate has been beyond full. Between schoolwork, finalizing the details of my upcoming internship, taking care of my responsibilities for a new position I’ve taken on with a start-up, facilitating my wive’s group, and planning not one, but two upcoming events, I’ve been overwhelmed and I’ve had to put some things on the back burner to meet certain deadlines. While it was OK while my husband was still in Japan, now that he’s returned, I have’t been able to take care of things that I personally consider to be part of my wifely duties. While he hasn’t complained (and never would – he’s just not that kind of guy), I feel guilty. I feel guilty for not having a chance to clean up and do laundry. I feel guilty for being out of town for a week for a mandatory on-campus class and not being home to cook his meals. I feel guilty for being so worn out at bedtime that I’m often too tired to give him the attention that I want to. Wife guilt has become a very real thing for me, and, whenever I feel inadequate, there’s one thing that I remember that helps these feelings subside.
The Key to Dealing with Wife Guilt
Whenever I find myself wallowing in wife guilt, I remind myself that my husband is my partner in life. Marriage is not always going to be 50/50. We’re not always going to both carry our weight – and that’s OK! A husband and wife are teammates, and just like there are some nights when Steph Curry and Klay Thompson both have amazing games and some nights when one may have a better game than the other, there are going to be times when my husband does more for our team than I do (and vice versa). What’s important to remember is that, even when one player is in a slump, the team can still win!
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Sometimes, as wives, we don’t give our husbands enough credit. When I deal with wife guilt, I remind myself who I married and why I married him. I remind myself that we vowed to love each other for better or worse and that as man and wife, we are supposed to be a support system for each other. Our husband’s can be a great support systems if we let them, and when I feel guilty for not doing the things that I feel like I should be, I say thank you. I thank my husband for NOT being upset that I’m not fulfilling my wifely duties. I thank him for understanding and supporting me as I pursue my dreams. I thank him for pulling my weight, for being my partner and teammate, and for being the only man I want to do life with.
How do you deal with wife guilt?
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