When I was in high school, I thought that by the time I was 25, I would be married with one child and another on the way. While I was half right, my husband and I have made the decision to wait on kids. The older we get, the more we realize that we have a lot more living to do before we bring lives into this world. Since the day we got engaged, we’ve been getting the “so, when are the little ones coming?” question from family, friends, and people we don’t even know. These questions multiplied exponentially once we got married and, for a while, it seemed like at least a few times a week someone somewhere was asking when we were going to have a baby or insinuating that they thought it would be soon. Just like there is nothing wrong with getting married young, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with deciding to have children early. At the same time, there are also a number of reasons to wait on kids and newlyweds who make the decision to hold off should not be interrogated or made to feel like they are any less of a married couple.
One of my goals has always been to be an amazing wife and mother. While I’m all for female empowerment, I’m traditional in my outlook on what it means to be a wife and a mother and the roles that I personally want to play as such. I realize that I am not quite ready to be the mom that I want to be and although I do have baby fever quite often, I know that I’ll be a better mother if I wait a little longer to have children. I know that whenever DJ and I do decide to bring a life into this world, we will be great parents and have amazing (and cute) little ones. Still, we are realistic with ourselves and realize that there’s no reason to rush such a life altering decision. Here are our 5 reasons to wait on kids:
5 Reasons to Wait on Kids
We’re enjoying being newlyweds
DeQuan and I have only been married for a year and a half, and, honestly, I’m not quite ready to share him yet. I need a little more time to be selfish with my husband and he needs a little more time to do the same with me. We’re really enjoying just being man and wife and we’re just not ready to be more than that. We love the freedom that we have to do what we want when we want (especially in the bedroom) without being awakened by little ones crying in the middle of the night or worrying about finding a sitter.
We want to see more of the world
Our love for the freedom that we have at this point in our lives goes hand in hand with our desire to see the world. We’re not tied down and have no one to answer to but each other, so traveling is one of our main priorities right now. We love traveling together and going on trips with other couples. I know that once we become parents, traveling will be quite different, and there’s still a lot of the world that we want to see before we’re traveling as a party of 3 instead of just a party of 2.
We both want to focus on our careers
This is a HUGE reason to wait on kids for us. I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom, at least until my children are in school. Even after they’re in elementary school, I want to be the one that takes them to school every morning and picks them up every afternoon. Right now, I’m in graduate school getting my master’s degree in marriage and family counseling, and while I’m willing to put off practicing for a few years while we start our family, I want to finish my graduate program and internship and at least get licensed to practice before we have a baby.
In my article that was recently published by the Huffington Post, I explained the ups and downs of being married to a professional athlete. One of the cons has to do with starting a family. Due to my husband’s hectic basketball schedule, he is on the road a lot for away games and he doesn’t want to have to be away as much when we have children. While I’m almost positive that we won’t wait until he retires to start a family (because that will hopefully be pretty far off), we do want to wait until he is a little more established in his career so that he can see his kids grow up and not miss out on the experience of being an active, involved father.
We want to ensure that our living situation is right for children
Right now, my husband are living abroad for the second year in a row. Last year, we were in Italy and this year, we are in Japan. We’ve learned so much living overseas and for the most part, we’re really enjoying it. But, at the same time, we don’t necessarily want to raise our children in another country. Family is really important to us, and when we have little ones, we want to be closer to our family and friends. Further, our living situation is quite volatile right now. From year to year, we don’t know exactly what city (or country) we’ll be living in due to my husband’s career, and we want to be more settled when we have children so that we can provide some sort of stability.
We want to be more financially stable
It’s no secret that children are expensive. From diapers and food to college savings, private school tuition, and emergency funds, there are so many expenses that come along with babies and kids. My husband and I want to be more financially stable when we have children. While we don’t necessarily need to be billionaires or anything, we do want to have a little more money saved before we have kids.
[Tweet “First comes love, then comes marriage…but there’s NOTHING wrong with waiting on the baby carriage!”]
Pregnancy and motherhood are things that I’m really excited about, and I know that they will be well worth the wait. But, right now, I have so many goals and so much more living to do before I’m at that stage in my life. Further, my husband and I are enjoying love and marriage and are in no rush to add the baby carriage. For now, we’ve made the decision to wait a little longer before we have kids to focus on our marriage, our goals, and creating a stable living environment that’s right for children. Starting a family is something that we think about and discuss in one way or another everyday, and we feel that when the time is right for us, we’ll know.
What are your thoughts on waiting to have kids? I would love to here your reasons for deciding to wait (or deciding not to).
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